There is a reason you are feeling pandemic-y

It is hard to fathom it’s been 5 years since our lives changed forever. The only other event in my lifetime where everyone has a story of ‘where I was when’ was 9/11.

There was so much loss across spectrums - loss of loved ones, so much death, gone in a way no one had planned for. I lived a few blocks away from a Brooklyn hospital. Every hour, mostly during the day and less at night, my nerves were sizzled by a blaring ambulance rushing up my block and that same ambulance returning to the hospital with the siren off and its light on. (I learned later they do this when they are carrying a body.) The only thing that calmed me was saying a prayer for each siren I heard. This was life in 2020 - empty streets, loud sirens and even louder thoughts.  

     There was the loss of a way of life that seems so unearthly to me that I label anything before 2019 as pre-pandemic. I’ve re-watched a lot of 90s shows in recent months, the ones that shouted to the teenage me - ‘You need to move to New York,’ like New York Undercover. I automatically compare the New York of yesteryear - dirtier, gritter and yet alive with a poppin’ nightlife to what it is now - still New York, but an outdoor suburban mall version. With all its problems like high costs, there was always a place  in pre-pandemic New York for connection -  a cocktail hour, an after work party. Sure, these happenings still exist, but it is subdued.  Even though we are long past the height of infections, there is hesitation (even for seconds) before we hug, shake hands or simply engage with another. 

It’s March 12, 2025 - five years after the world (aka the New York City subways shutdown) and I can remember like it’s still happening. I can recall the uncertainty, the confusion, the up is down and down is up feeling in the streets. I remember it because my body remembers it. Here is the well known book that provides the scientific data of why this is). If you add in the heightened political polarization of the last few years and the uncertainty, our nervous systems will become more threatened by connection.  

Other than change, the most impactful threat to the nervous system is uncertainty. People thrive when our environments are predictable and even boring. It feels good when your barista knows your regular order. I love it that my local diner knows my breakfast order - omelette with spinach, scallions and mushrooms. Sameness is comforting. As a number of factors merge together, like inflation, increased tariffs, and a changing political landscape, the word ‘uncertain’ is replacing ‘pivot’ as the word of the moment. Remember seeing the footage of empty cities, overrun hospitals and how many times leaders (the transparent ones, at least), used the words ‘uncertain’ or ‘we don’t know if.’ 

A good test of this is watching the news for an hour (I know, just this once), and count how many times they refer to ‘uncertainty.’ Turn it into a drinking game, if you dare. 

So there is no wonder we are feeling pandemic-y all over again. 

Just so I am not leaving you (or me) with ‘we are fucked’ paralyzing feeling, I’ll share what worked what for me during the pandemic: 

Find an aligned community. Fight the urge to self protect and Netflix yourself to sleep. Go volunteer at a local food pantry. Reach out of an old friend. Invite people over for a potluck. Do something that gets you out of your head and the collusion course that’s forming and connect with a real person. 

If you remember, in the end, we saved each other.